_{Sometimes I don’t know what to say to him, because some other, poetically perfect writer has already used all the words I want to say. I’m sifting through my mind, searching all the pockets, and all I can see is the garden, and the skin on his chest as I cried. I’m painting mental pictures in my head.}

I
I liked it when we stood in total darkness in the bathroom, staring into each other’s eyes. You held me, lightly brushing your fingers across the braille on my bare, white chest. Blind to the world, we stood trying to read each other. You could have tried to understand me but you never bothered learning to read, and so silently, I prayed and I prayed that the veil would lift, and that your eyes would finally be opened.


_{I kept a count on the empty bottles, but there were just too many. I tried to hold him back but then I, in turn, was grasped and held back by invisible hands. I tried so hard to break free but he was running, pulling away, and then I couldn’t see him any more. I sat down and I cried, and I let go of the hopeless boy that I was clutching on to so tightly.}

II
I remember how I sat, played the guitar and sang. I sang only to you and I think you heard me, although you didn't care. I sang the first thing that came to mind. Strange how the mind works, bringing up songs of devastation and heartbreak. My voice was loud and pure, filling the room. Everyone was silent. Everyone was listening. Normally I would have been scared, but this time I wasn’t phased. All I wanted was for you to come back to me, to sit by my side and hold my hand.


_{The hardest part was trying not to forgive him. I knew I shouldn't, and yet I found myself doing it so easily. We make promises so that we can break them. We love people so that we can forgive them.}

III
And later we sat in the hallway, watching each other cry. I seemed angry and so unlike myself. You seemed vulnerable - drinking non-stop and wandering around, so desolate. You curled up against my chest, but I made no move to hold you there. Each time you told me you loved me, I brushed it aside. I didn't want to believe you, because somehow I knew I’d say,
     _{"I love you, too."}